Why counselors make poor lovers

They will offer you 3 key qualities in any healthy relationship that humans need in general. It makes sense why that safety and acceptance can be attractive, especially if you are not getting that from other people in your life. First, recognize that you are not a crazy or shameful person for having these feelings. Falling in love with your therapist may be more common than you realize. After you realize that you are not the first person to fall in love with your therapist and that you are not a bad person because of it, talk about it.

Professing your love for your therapist may be easier said than done, but to really get the most out of therapy, it is important to discuss. Your therapist should be able to help you explore these feelings and you will likely grow through this process and learn from it.

Your therapist may even already know that you have feelings for them. The answer to this question, of course, depends on you, but the process of therapy will help you explore what it means that you have fallen for your therapist and what to do about it. Perhaps a pattern in your life, in general, is that you always fall in love with people who are unavailable, and your therapist is just another example of one of these people. Or, perhaps you have never had that warmth and acceptance from someone, and the taste of it is intoxicating to you.

That would make sense since as humans we all need someone to care about and accept us. Your therapist should help you understand these feelings, and once you get more of a handle on what is going on, you will likely experience personal growth as a result. An ethical and well-trained therapist will be open and welcoming to a discussion about your feelings toward them.

Therapy is a safe place to discuss interpersonal processes and a lot of personal growth can occur from doing so. Your therapist should handle this news gracefully and explore it with you. It is crucial to know that romantic relationships are inappropriate between therapist and client, and it is up to your therapist to uphold this boundary. By sharing your emotional experiences and sometimes secrets with your therapist, you are opening yourself up and being vulnerable, which is often important to get the most out of the process.

If, however, your therapist takes advantage of this vulnerability and reciprocates such feelings in any way, this is a very clear ethical violation. If this happens in therapy, you should end the process of therapy and consider reporting the therapist to their state board if you feel comfortable doing so. Ever wonder what your personality type means?

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For the most accurate results, please enter a full postcode. All therapists are verified professionals. In , I was sexually abused by the restaurant owner who had befriended my family on holiday. I was nine years old. People talk about having a 'light-bulb moment'. A moment when something switches on in your mind, a torch is shone in Louise Thompson, known for the glamour and glitz of Made in Chelsea, is more than meets the eye.

In this honest On our social media feeds, we may come across friends sharing posts that encourage others to check in with those Counselling cases are unique. However, sometimes they arrive in clusters — relationship doubt, divorce We use cookies to provide and improve our services. By using our site, you consent to cookies. More details. All site Counsellor or psychotherapists Events Search. Searching for a specific counsellor or psychotherapist? Try our advanced search. What's worrying you?

Jump to: Why do we need good relationships? Types of relationship problems How can counselling help? Connect with a relationship counsellor. Search for a counsellor. Would you like to provide feedback on our content? Tell us what you think. Provide Feedback This is where you can submit feedback about the content of this page.

We review feedback on a monthly basis. Why did you visit us? Did you find this page helpful? Find a relationship counsellor What type of session are you looking for? Location Search by location For the most accurate results, please enter a full postcode. This becomes so debilitating. We deserve to be ourselves with no question. We need to! This is and will continue to be a mindful struggle. Thank you for helping me no feel so alone on this, Doug!

Doug This is indeed applicable to all of us in the field, especially those who work with Trauma, sexual assault and abuse victims, where the vicarious experience is inevitable. I can personally attest to the damaging effect on perceptions around sex, intimacy, Men….

Resistance and all. Like our clients, most of us need objective guidance in learning to identify, understand and regulate our own sensitivities, reactivities and triggers. Engaging in our OWN self-work will help us become both better partners and better therapists. Excellent points Simcha. I find the article construct lacking for someone who has so much education, primarily, because there are too many points and no definitions of terms used, rampant speculations, and very limited references.

We are all connected via relationship. Life is a continuous ballet of relationship-building with others; unbroken and broken; repaired or ended. We change partners and step on toes as we create our own music or follow the music of others.

Sometimes we choose our partners and sometimes are partners are chosen for us. We both lead and follow. We rumba with allies and enemies. Daily interactions fill our moments with substance and we learn, but only if we are listening and tuning out the hustle and bustle and disruptive static in our brain.

Albeit, we dance alone in our own skin, but experiencing relationship gives meaning to the dance. The dancer and dancing, The counselor and counseling, The experiencer and experiencing are but one. Thanks for sharing this. Some very refreshing insights here. This unequal power dynamic always felt off to me, like it was infantilizing the client.

This is a big reason I left therapy years ago and today work more within a depth coaching model. It feels clean and clear to be a human with another human and practice faith that my clients are capable of living fully empowered lives. And my clients heal traumas and feel better about 10x faster than therapy! Hi Doug, One of your students, here. However, words cannot express how grateful I am for the long-hauled and painful, yet immeasurably beneficial psychotherapeutic journey my wife started on a few years ago.

I resinated a bit with the words you put to how shame could surface in the context of personal relationships. I admire your genuineness and humility to share this type of material. I can see your face as if you were teaching this in class!