Why do babysitters abused children

They should speak to you enough to make you feel comfortable, both before you leave and after you get home. That includes things like asking about your kid and wishing you a good time when you leave, as well as a report on what your child did and how the day went. If your babysitter can't even make that kind of effort with you, don't expect they're doing it with the kids either. That might show a general disconnect or major lack of all-around communication skills. It's fair to expect a little feedback from your caregiver about things like what your child ate or how they slept, and have them go over what they did with your child while you were out.

A great babysitter will tell you exactly how the day went, sometimes even bordering on a minute by minute recount of what they did with your kid. They might also mention anything that concerned them.

They should be able to at least share the basic ups and downs of the day with you. If they don't have much information to share or seem to be withholding something, that can be a red flag that things are not right. A good babysitter will take note of the specific instructions you provide, acknowledge them, and actually act upon them. A quality babysitter is one who is a good listener.

They can also adapt to your values and parenting style. They don't try to impose their own beliefs about caregiving onto your baby. If you tell your babysitter that your kids need to eat or that they need to be in bed at a certain time and they're rolling their eyes, they probably aren't going to follow through and stick to your plans as you've laid them out.

For some babysitters, even a written list will be neglected. You might warn such a babysitter once or twice, but if they still aren't doing things the way you want them to, it's time to let them go. A babysitter needs to take on a supervisory role with the children they babysit in order to control their behavior and earn their respect. In this way, they have to be more like a parent and not try to win them over by acting like a kid.

Babysitters that are young or inexperienced can struggle with this issue sometimes, and you might need to have a discussion to set them straight. However, a mature, experienced babysitter that displays too close and chummy a rapport with your child should be watched carefully. It might seem innocent at first, but these behaviors are very surreptitious, and they can escalate over time until you hardly know how they could have been there all along.

It's normal for kids to be a bit upset when mom or dad is leaving. It might be just separation anxiety, or it could be a sign of something more serious. What about for babies? They aren't old enough to tell you when something is wrong with words, but their behavior can often indicate when something is making them unhappy. If your baby seems scared of the sitter or cries when they see them even after they know them well, that could be a bad sign. After you've been using a babysitter for a while and your baby still seems upset to be left with them, they might be scared for a legitimate reason.

See our Guide to minimizing separation anxiety to learn how to leave your child with a babysitter without them getting stressed out. If your kid is normally independent and really outgoing, and all of a sudden becomes really withdrawn and clingy, see if those changes line up with when you started using a new babysitter.

Other behavior changes that might be red flags would be if your child regresses to things they had grown out of, like toileting, babytalk, or thumbsucking.

Also, if your child starts asking questions or talking about sexually related topics out of the blue, it could be a warning sign for some form of sexual abuse. Waking up in the middle of the night with nightmares or night terrors when it is not part of a normal developmental stage, along with other sleep issues like suddenly starting to wet the bed, can also be cause for concern. A child's behavior can change naturally as they age, sometimes in pretty dramatic ways. But you shouldn't ignore these as potential warning signs.

Take action quickly to see if these things might warrant further investigation. If your child is old enough to communicate, get as much information from them firsthand as possible. Just talking naturally to your child about their day can give some insight into what's going on when you're not around. If something is wrong, many children won't want to talk about it initially out of fear of repercussions.

It's important to give your child the freedom and confidence to talk about what they did and how they feel. If they express any concerns, let them know that it's okay to tell you that they are afraid, and that you'll help keep them safe if anything bad is going on.

Babysitters who have worked for your family for a long time might start to gain confidence and begin to feel entitled. For example, they might invite their friends or even a date over while you're gone. Some parents are okay letting a babysitter have a friend over to help and keep them company since it can get a bit spooky watching kids alone in a strange house at night. But babysitters should never assume that they can invite people over to your home whenever they want.

When your babysitter has someone else over, there's a good chance your kids are getting less interaction and attention than they would without an extra person present. Having people over without your knowledge isn't being respectful of you or your home. Avoid this situation altogether by making it clear to your babysitter when you hire them that they need to get your permission to have a guest over.

And it's best not to let them have their boyfriend or girlfriend over because you don't know what's going to happen on your couch! You want a babysitter that can make sure your kids have a good time and stay comfortable and entertained while you're gone.

Finding a babysitter can be a challenge for many parents, but being comfortable with and confident that the one you've picked will keep your kids safe and happy can be somewhat unnerving. Here are some warning signs that you've hired a bad babysitter and need to find someone else pronto!

It's not too much to expect for a sitter to greet parents, smile, and engage in some small talk. They should ask about the kids, wish you a good time, and converse long enough to make you feel comfortable. Be concerned if the sitter doesn't do the same with the kids either; that bodes a major disconnect that could signal a strong lack of communication all-around. A good sitter should note instructions you're providing and acknowledge a thorough understanding. If you're telling the sitter that kids must have a bath and be in bed at a certain time, and they are going "yeah, right, whatever" or doesn't seem to be paying attention to anything you're saying, you should worry about any follow-through occurring.

Parents can help avoid this by providing written instructions; however, a quality sitter will take notes or be able to recite the information back. Family emergencies or the unavoidable can certainly happen, but a chronically late or consistently canceling babysitter can create a huge hardship on parents and destroy best-laid plans. If your sitter doesn't care enough about the job to arrive on time and be sensitive to your plans, then find one who will!

The same is true of a sitter who tells parents as they are getting ready to dash out the door that they must be home at a designated time that is different from what had been agreed to.

It's not unusual for kids to not want to be apart from mom or dad. But if a kid becomes an emotional wreck over being left with a particular sitter, parents should have second thoughts about using that person. It could be nothing more than separation anxiety or the kid being told "no" and holding it against the sitter, or it could signify something more.

If parents find that it is an individual only vs. However, our advice applies to all primary adult caregivers of children, including step-parents, foster parents, grandparents, adult siblings, and all others. Child abuse is a broad term that unfortunately describes a number of heartbreaking scenarios.

The term child abuse may include:. For example, a child who suffers neglect may also be physically abused when they ask for food, water, or another item they need for comfort or survival.

Both parents and children can give off clues that a child is being abused. Note that with children, you may witness these red flags first hand or have them brought to your attention through comments made by the child or their siblings.

Green, who specialized in treating very young, barely verbal patients. Green quickly established that Charlie hadn't been around when the actual sexual abuse occurred; further sessions with him wouldn't be necessary. David, though, would need continuing attention through play therapy.

Green also told me he wanted to meet with Alex, saying that the boy needed treatment "while there's still time to get him back on track. I dreaded the conversation, but it would have been irresponsible not to have it.

If I didn't, how many other kids might Alex go on to abuse? I'd been coached: Repeat, word for word, what David had told us, then ask Susan to call Dr. Not surprisingly, Susan reacted with indignant denial. Get out of my sight. Then I returned to my office, shut the door, and started to sob. To her enormous credit, Susan made the call. I don't know where she found the guts, but she set up an appointment with Dr. At work, she and I avoided each other. During every moment with David, I was like a detective, on guard for any sign that he'd been harmed, that irrevocable damage had been done.

He struck me as somewhat clingier than usual — and he couldn't have been less interested in toilet training. Otherwise, he seemed like his same, adorable self. The doctor's appointments continued uneventfully. Until one day.

As Dr. Green explained it afterward, while playing with the anatomically correct dolls in the office, David got furious and hurled a male doll across the room. At that point, he and Dr. Green were finally able to talk about what had happened with some limitations, of course, considering David's age. After two more appointments, the doctor said that as far as he knew, there had been no attempt at penetration — confirming our pediatrician's opinion — and no more treatment would be necessary.

We never saw Alex again, but we heard from him a few months later. He wrote us a rambling letter filled with apologies: Dr. Green, he said, had encouraged him to put down on paper what he couldn't say out loud.